i'm back!

dear all... i'm just so glad to be back online! =) all thanks to V who has so generously loaned me his lappy, which is so light and tiny by the way! and yes, this means i will be starting to update my blog once again. it's great to be back!

one of my many resolutions

i never want to become one of those women who...

• shout at the top of their lungs instead of talk in a tone appropriate for one of a female species
  
• made crude jokes thinking that gives them equality with men
• gossip non stop like their lives depend on it
• gather together in a huge irritating group and cause huge disturbances for the sake of getting more attention
  
• laugh high and shrill and evil, like witches
• dress in seriously gaudy shiny clothes in unimaginably bright colours from top to toe, thinking bling = beauty
• have no taste, style or class, and are perpetually "in-your-face"
  
• think they are better than everyone else in the world even though it's the exact opposite
  

somebody slap me if i become like that...

selamat hari raya

eid mubarak to one and all!
for those who celebrate, happy completion of ramadhan!
for those who don't, enjoy the public holiday and cool weather. chill out and have fun!

reported speech

the characters

teacher - not sure what kinda teacher, but apparently teaching a p5 class somewhere
boy - son of teacher
woman 1 - some person having a conversation with them

don't ask me why i was listening in to this conversation - i wasn't listening in, but when these women were talking at the top of their lungs, it's impossible to block them out. my own thots are in lilac =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

teacher: my class is p5g. the last class. they are boardering on em3. you know what em3 is like?
woman: hahahahaha
teacher: they can't even read. they are out of this world.

how does a person become a teacher when they think that lowly of their students? i mean it's tough enough for these kids to be branded em3 and be looked down by society, but to have their teachers say such discouraging things about them is really sad. i feel bad for the students =(
we've all grown up meeting some teachers we didn't like cuz they looked down on us or were difficult. this seems like deja vu all over again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

son: my teacher read the word "veal" wrongly for spelling. she can't even speak.
teacher: when my students speak in english i cannot understand, i will tell them to speak in proper english.
woman: haha.. cannot understand them
teacher: yes, some of these people are creaming most of the time

at the last part, the word she meant to say was "screaming" but i don't understand how these people could complain about others when they obviously cannot speak properly either. and yet they have the cheek and guts to go round complaining about other people - i guess i do marvel at them. it's like a pot calling kettle black or perhaps people who are just oblivious about their own standards? or they are so full of themselves, they're just bursting with their own egos. it's a wonder their heads actually have space for their hair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

that's it for now folks.
signing off with a heavy heart and a huge sense of longing for friends of my own.

an unfortunate announcement

dear all,
for those of you who have noticed that i've suddenly disappeared, well, i'm afraid you're right. my computer's done and whacked out and i have no idea way. i'll get HP to come and pick it up and get it fixed before i can get back online. *sigh*
i miss being online, chatting, blogging, surfing... *wails* i'm borrowing my friend's computer for a couple minutes now and i'm starting to feel this urge to steal it and run home with the computer. hee hee...

anyways, please sms me if anyone wants to get me ok? hope to get back online soon! =)

p/s: dear dear, i've taken a quick moment to check out your new banner. i loooooove it! this is the best of the lot. that's a picture of you chilling right? if that's me, it'd be exactly the same, but my skies would be a little more grey and cloudy, and i'd be on the beach. haha... remember how we used to say we're the same but the exact opposites? here it shows again! i think singtel-m1 is really screwed, i'm getting your messages 2-3 days late and i'm not even sure if you're getting my sms-es. fail. i send you a million hugs and muaks for those blue days where i can't be here for you to wail to. call anytime ok? =)

trouble in paradise

i was talking with one of my friends and she's having some problems. it was just so sad. i really understood, not only empathised, having gone through something extremely similar myself. i think perhaps that's why she chose to share with me? cuz it's easy for people to empathise but not really understand since we each have unique and different experiences, and it's quite coincidence to find 2 people who have gone through strange things in such a similar way.

this really just reitterates a lesson i've memorised as a theme for my o levels literature exam. i don't think i really understood it at that time, but now as i grow up (and more jaded at that), i'm beginning to realise what those simple words mean, and every bit i grow, i learn to understand and feel those words a little more.

the wise words? - life is transcient.

hide and seek - a shoutout for help!

i have found it! ok, seriously i think only one person ever will understand the emotions behind this post - the joys of finally finding this song that i've been crazy since the beginning of the year, but because i heard a remix, i never had the chance to know the title or who sang it. and just 5min ago, after much googling, i've actually managed to track it down! omg! the happiness~~~

and yes dear, i mean you. haha. i won't explain here why my dear is the only one to whom this post would make sense to, but i'm completely over the moon! ok here's the plea, i couldn't find a good version to download, so there's this program which allows the audio download from youtube, which i obviously don't have, so if there's anyone out there who can help me (*stares hard at you, yes you you you!*) please please please get this for me? *bat eyelids furiously*

but for everyone, here's the youtube link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhVfeOAgmAw

just in case you're wondering, here are the lyrics. enjoy!
please somebody, please get this for me! (yes, you!)
i will be eternally grateful!

Hide and Seek

where are we? What the hell is going on?
the dust has only just began to fall
crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling
spin me around again and rub my eyes
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people would stop
to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines?
all those years they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before
the takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still alive

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines?
oh, you won't catch me around here
blood and tears
they were here first

Mm what you say
Oh that you only meant well,
well of course you did
mm what you say
mm that it's all for the best, of course it is
mm what you say
that IT'S JUST what we need, you decided this?
mm what you say
what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling at your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cutouts
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit you don't care a bit


apparently it was featured in OC but i didn't watch it, so i really didn't know it from there. it's not mainstream for sure, but it's very alluring, for me at least. makes me smile and cry at the same time, everytime i hear it. the ending isn't too happening, but the opening is fabulous.
the track is done by one person, the singer Imogen Heap (an indie singer) using a voice synthesizer to create all the different sound effects.

after clicking on the first link, and after reading the previous sentence, if you're still curious about how this is really done, check this live performance out! the sound quality isn't great but to see her actually do this and make the sounds, well that's really kinda cool!
(be sure you've seen the first link and watched it, so this would be an enhanced/explained effect, if not it kinda loses the impact)
http://www.last.fm/music/Imogen+Heap/+videos/+1-m4OgmO0ujrg

self declared holiday

it's been so hectic recently, and i have been so so tired. *collapse* it's getting ridiculous and sleep's turning into a precious commodity i have to fight for, and yoga is now a rare treat for when i can squeeze in even 1 hour to attend class.

i have thus decided that i will refuse to work on monday, 1st september 2008, as a well-deserved holiday, no matter the crisis or request.
(and for those thinking "long weekend!", nopes, don't even go there. i'm working saturday and sunday. sux~~~)
so yes, you see why i'm giving myself monday off! =)

o.0

today i had a request from one of my students who wanted me to teach her for ALL her subjects and asked to see me everyday. i'm not sure how i feel or how i should feel.

bikram yoga (3)

the day i tried bikram yoga for the first time a.k.a. the day i nearly died

it was a most amazing but most horrifying experience i've had for quite a long time!
the studio was hot, but initially i didn't think the heat was that bad. but as time passed, it became more stuffy and i got more and more claustrophobic and i felt like i couldn't breathe. it became suffocating and by the 5th or 6th standing pose, i began to get quite dizzy. eventually everything went white and the room started to spin. i stopped and rested for a while but couldn't stand properly without feeling dizzy. eventually the nausea set in and the rest of the practice was a torture to endure to the finish.

of the 26 poses, i only managed to complete half properly. half of the remainder was completed but not satisfactorily cuz i was feeling faint. the rest, well, i was almost blacked out on the floor so i couldn't even attempt them. it was a challenge even to breathe.

anyways, having said that, i must say the class started very well, though i'm not sure bikram yoga was the only thing the instructor was sellling. he came into the class and ripped off his tee shirt leaving only a tiny pair of trunks and remained that way for the rest of the class. having witnessed that, i realised why the ladies kept returning for his class - no doubt for the many health benefits, but the eye candy was certainly a motivation! =)

i emerged from the class red as a lobster and feeling incredibly sick. i spent the rest of the day trying to ease the queasiness in my stomach and appease the migrane that would not go away. even now as i'm typing this post my head's light and body weak. according to the teacher, this was normal for first timers and it is a very good sign that the body is detoxing. i didn't perspire too much, no surprise there, but i don't think i'd ever go back for bikram or even hot yoga. it's just too traumatising and the stuffy heated studio is really not my cuppa tea, no matter how many extra calories it may help to burn.

bikram yoga (2)

a short, informative summary for those who are wondering about what this is all about...

Bikram - the original hot yoga

• founded originally by Yogiraj Mikram Choudhury, this is a designed set of 26 postures and 2 breathing exercises practiced in a studio heated to 40C
• origins: Bikram practiced yoga from age 4 with the most renowned physical culturist at that time (he was also the one who first scientifically documented yoga's ability to cure physical ailments and heal the body), and eventually became an undisputed all-india national yoga champion. at 17, a knee injury led to european doctors pronouncing that he would never walk again. unconvinced, he returned to his teacher and had total recovery in 6months. his teacher then asked Bikram to start yoga schools in india, and thus he developed this method of practice and successfully brought it all over the world.
  
• health benefits include stimulation of the heart to pump more O2 to all parts of the body, toning and strengthening muscles, increasing flexibility and balance, stress reduction, promoting better sleep, increasing energy and improving chronic diseases and muscular/skeletal related problems.

preparation, rules, etiquette
(as stated in the brochure)

1. attend class on empty stomach. (last meal recommended to be at least 2-3 hours before class)
2. for your own safely, no chewing gum in class
3. bring a large bottle of water for class
   
4. observe silence - ask questions before or after lessons. no mobile phones allowed.
   
5. practice stillness between postures
6. no changing and moving mats. no stepping on other students' mats
7. do not enter studio once class has started, and do not leave until the class is over (no, not even to pee)

ok, i added in that last bracketed point. but wow, aren't they strict! it's so going to be interesting tomorrow! =)

jumbled thots

met S for dinner today. we sat at macs and ate unhealthy food while watching the olympics (the irony!), enjoying the novelty of "al-fresco" dining, as S called it. haven't not met up for so long, it was actually pretty strange how easily things flowed between us, and how it was so easy to talk about everything and anything under the sun.

which got me thinking about people and friends.

i recently had a tiff with another friend, one whom i thot nothing could possibly come between us. but surprise surprise. i guess all good things have to come to an end sometime? why is it so difficult to maintain a relationship that has really weathered storms and keep it going strong, when something else that is in comparison trival, frivolous and new seems so easy to nurture? shouldn't the relationship that has gone through a significant amount of thick and thin be more "unbreakable"? isn't all that time and experience accumulated supposed to make our relationships withstand all the tests that life throws at us? if not, then where the hell are we really heading to?

because friends are superficial we can just be cordial? but for the long standing friends, we can hurl anything at them? we're usually more careful around people we've just met, for whatever the reason, and more relaxed with the friends we've known for a long time. but shouldn't we practice tact and be more polite/considerate to the friends we've had longer, cuz that friendship is worth maintaining, whereas the new person's just someone we've just met and we wouldn't know if he/she would turn out to be a true friend or not?

paradox or just irony?
geez... maybe i am messed up, but what does this all mean?
i really don't get it.

bikram yoga (1)

oh i am so hyped up! sorry to bore all you readers out there, but this is going to be yet another yoga post. well, i am slightly enthusiastic now, and hoping to keep it that way so as to make my membership worthwhile...

anyways...i've been interested in bikram yoga for quite a while, and was actually contemplating signing up for it prior joining my current yoga place. but i wasn't sure how i would really take to the 40C heated studio and it was really kinda expensive.

and of all the "investments" i've made this year, this yoga place seems to be one of the best. there was the fear of the con-job type yoga place since there was a lot of talk and complaints everywhere, but my place seems to be legit. furthermore, they have been expanding! they've recently bought over planet fitness, which is now called true fitness, and somehow there seems to be a tie in or something with bikram yoga now! happiness~

so i shall wake up early tomorrow (and i mean early early, something which i NEVER do), and attend the morning class and really get a taste of what bikram is all about. maybe this might spike my interest in attending our own hot yoga classes. (i never did try, cuz i kinda enjoyed the no-perspiration-ever sessions i always have. feels so clean!)

will blog about it after i experience it tomorrow!
*excited*

equal brained!

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (48%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (46%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

INFJ

INFJ - "Author". Strong drive and enjoyment to help others. Complex personality. 1.5% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

seriously?

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||| 38% Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 70% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 66% Antisocial |||||||||||| 42% Borderline |||||||||||||||| 70% Histrionic |||||||||||||| 58% Narcissistic |||||||||||| 50% Avoidant |||||||||| 34% Dependent |||||| 26% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||||| 66%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

public holiday please

congratulations to singapore for winning our first olympic medal in 48 years - table tennis team has clinched a silver! some random taxi driver told me that if singapore wins something, we'd get a nationwide holiday to celebrate. well, i'm not big on celebration, but i'm all for having a holiday and getting some more sleep. mmm~~~ so yes, can we have a holiday please? ^-^

kitty from HK

thank you EH! for the kitties from HK as well as for your sacrifice in stuffing yourself with macs to get these kitties! =)
*muaks*

1 good cuppa, 2 great friends

meet up with EH and dear for a late night catch up on saturday =) the girls were at CS watching the mummy 3, and i met them after the movie and we went to macs for food/drinks. but they were so stuffed with nachos and hotdog from the movie, we ended up with drinks and i finally got that caffeine fix that i've been craving for. dear had a cafe latte, EH had a hot himalayan tea latte and i got a ice blended one. heaven!!!~~~

anyways, we chatted well into the night, raving about EH's HK/macau trip. we've not done this for so long, i almost forgot how fun it was to just hang out. thanks girls! it was so good to see you both! *hugs hugs*

food, glorious food! (part two)

over the weekend, i thought it'd be nice to have a quiet dinner with my mom since it was the actual day of her birthday. i wanted to bring her to the fabulous royal plaza on the scotts for dinner, but she was having a really bad eye infection and couldn't go out. so i thot i'd buy dinner for her and grandma, but since my aunty usually visits my grandma over the weekend, so i called her and we decided i'd get dinner for all 4 of us.

so in the afternoon, while we were having tuition (i'm preparing my cousin for his O levels), i mentioned that i'm ordering the new star pizza for dinner cuz it has this cheese twist thing that seems kinda interesting. and usually he would go to his other grandma's place for dinner on weekends, but he told me that he wasn't going this weekend, cuz his dad was busy, which meant that he would probably settle his own dinner, so i invited him to join us. then it struck me that his mom, my other aunty and her son would be home alone. so i thought i should ask her along too, since she's alone.

she was all for it, except for 1 problem. her younger son was not keen on coming out. he would be happier staying at home. so i called him and well... basically wailed at him until he did not disagree not to come out. then i jumped at the opportunity and pressure him into coming. well, yes, it was emotional blackmail, but the kids are growing up so quickly. we're going to have less and less chances of getting together, so this was basically the last bit of time i have to forge the bond before they all grow wings and fly away.

so we (during tuition) decided to order 2 pizzas so that we can all have our fill of the cheesy pizza. then i was worried that not everyone would be that happy with pizza, so i asked my aunty to buy up 4 pieces of chicken from kfc. she arrived with an 8 piece family feast! haha~ realising that we have too much food, i decided that we needed more people, so i called my other cousin, who was incidentally home alone. so i invited her over to have dinner with us! it turned into an almost-full-fledged family event. the food was ok but what made me really happy was the fact that it wasn't easy getting everyone together. but somehow, when i make the calls, everyone responds.

i didn't eat much, but it was really a great feeling. we ended the evening playing uno and having plenty of laughs =)

old pictures!

oh after much talk about my family, here are 2 old pictures we found while we went through some old stuff during the national day lunch party. these are 2 of my cousins, who are of the same age, playing while they were really little... like under 1 year old little. adorable rite?

food, glorious food! (part one)

doing a back-logged post for this party i planned for 2 weeks ago - national day itself incidentally =)
most of our family members have early (first half of year) birthdays...but we have 4 babies born in the month of july and august, so i thought it'd be good to celebrate them together, especially since one of them is my own mother. so i took up the task of planning for the party and putting everything and getting everyone together. well, it isn't always easy to cater to everyone though.. especially foodwise. grandma likes chinese/asian, the children hate chinese/asian, the adults want proper food, the children want fun food. it was kinda like an impossible situation unless i could find some international buffet to drag them all out to.

then came the next problem. my youngest aunty wanted to stay home to watch national day parade (please don't ask me why) so we couldn't go out. then we decided on having dinner in so we could all watch tv at home since the olympics was on too. so i started to check out tonnes of caterers/delivery menus while asking for input, which was basically useless since it's usually "anything".

finally i decided on a caterer and got the menu confirmed, after a million changes which were actually not allowed, but i sorta well... coaxed my way around the staff to let me have what i want. then my cousin happily messaged me to say he couldn't come... cuz he got tickets for NDP. the horrors!

i immediately contacted the entire family to reschedule to a lunch instead then called the caterer (again) to see if i could change timing, but they were fully booked. (no surprise though.. it's a public holiday) but thankfully cuz mine was a mini buffet (for 12 pax only, cuz we definitely qualify for the normal buffet for 30 pax since we've only got attendance of 10), they were willing to make the change. disaster avoided! =)

on the day itself, i woke up excited and worried. i didn't want anything to go wrong. so i had to message all the kids to wake them up and i also gave in to this naggy feeling (which i kept dismissing as paranoia) and called the caterers to recheck the timing and guess what? they forgot about my order! after the heart attack and my very-obviously-distressed wailings on the phone, the guy promised me he would whip out my order and get it to me in 1 hour. i was kinda worried, but everyone was running late so i just kept my fingers crossed. the caterers really did it! in about 1 hour, the food arrived, hot and steaming. soon after, everyone arrived and we tucked in to the food. everything went well and the food was very well received by everyone in the family. no complaints and everyone was actually keen on ordering from them again!

so this was what we had:

grilled black pepper chicken
cheese chicken sausages
cereal prawns
broccoli with mushrooms (broccoli is a family favourite)
seafood tofu
seafood fried rice

and for desert, i bought durian swiss roll and strawberry cake. the swiss roll was amazingly expensive but very delicious. the filling was completely full of real durian stuffing, not cheap sponge cake or flavoured paste. the strawberry cake was soft and melts in the mouth. all in all, everyone had a great time getting overstuffed with food =)

ticking on ahead...

oh no! i just realised that there is something wrong with my pretty clock.
it's an hour too fast! *wails*
*arms flail helplessly*
how??? =(

yogalates

went for my very first yogalates class for the first time today. as the name suggests, this class combines both yoga poses with pilates movements, combining the 2 most popular forms of stretching in gyms today. it was amazing!!! the combination was to use the slower yoga movements to balance the more vigorous pilates movements, creating a workout training both strength and stamina.

the yoga part was quite standard, a lot of stretching in the basic poses but held for a much longer than normal time, forcing us to really streeeeeetch it out. certain poses also require strength to maintain in required posture.
the pilates part was surprising. other than simple twistings, we did a lot of abdominal exercises today. all of which require huge amounts of abdominal control, making crunches seem like a complete joke. it was painful, no doubt, drawing huge sighs of relief at every last set, but it was oddly satisfying.

somehow i think yoga really puts together this whole yin and yang story. in order to have that gentle grace, you need plenty of flexibility and flow. but in order to achieve each of the poses and maintain there, a lot of strength and control is needed. and having said that scary stuff, yoga is always about a personal best. there is no "ultimate" goal. you stretch and hold as much as you can, and hope to better yourself the next time. it doesn't matter if your neighbour seems better than you, cuz we each have our own weaknesses. you might be weaker in some areas, but you will be stronger in other areas. so there really is no competition no matter which class you take.

kinda sounds a little like life doesn't it?

clock!

if you'd all look to the right of this post, you notice a pretty pink clock!
yay!~~~ happiness!~~~
my first attempts to spruce up a little. (think that's adventurous enough for now)

many thanks to my dear because she was the one who patiently guided me and helped me get this on (over msn no less). you've made this possible dear dear! *hugs hugs*
thank you dearie! muaks! =)

dear's got a great design on her blog as well. i think her clock's creative and cool! check it out please! =)

time lag

dear all, it's kinda a small thing, but i realise that the time displayed of my posting isn't the time i posted. for the previous few posts, the time reflected at the bottom of each post is at least 2 hours ahead of the actual time i posted. (and yes i checked the time zone setting already)

it's not a big deal, but being the perfectionist that i am, yes and a major narcissistic pain in the ass, it's just sorta bothering me. anyone know how i can rectify this lag? please let me know and i'd be eternally grateful! =)

blythe doll

today i got an invite to go out and hang out with a few of my gals, which is really a delightful surprise, cuz i would rather die than to go out shopping with my teacher. *shudder*
i guess i'm happy and really touched. i couldn't go today, but we've got a date for tomorrow. they cheered when i agreed to go. sweet rite?

anyways, they were going to see this wonderful new fad (for the thousandth time). it's on all of their current wishlist, yet i've never heard of these blythe dolls before. not wanting to fall behind in keeping up with the latest trends, i came back and did a little more research and this is what turned up!

basically, the blythe doll is characterised by her big eyes and fashionista outlook. and you get to change her eye colour, hair, outfits and shoes, giving her the a special and unique look and style, as you like it. it's expensive though, a doll starts about SGD140 onwards and all accessories and features (including eyes and hair and of course all the outfits) are sold separately. it's as much a collector's item as it is turning into a girl's favourite toy.

for more information, check this out...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blythe_(doll)

here are a few pictures that i think are about the cutest! i think they really show off the doll and the different looks that she boasts! =)




so very girl-next-doll brown hair and eyes, and a gorgeous winter coat.
she looks so sweet in the knits, and i'd be happy wear the same!








this is like the cutest bunny outfit ever!








auburn hair with a very swiss outfit! check out the earrings and lace on the dress.









blue hair! i so love the goth look! this would be a perfect prom dress.









blond air stewardess with matching pink luggage and bag! need i say more?






i think in terms of variety and detail, the designers have really done a great job. the grown up girls will really have fun with this! time to scoot over barbie!

ant angst

every so couple of days, there seem to be ants appearing here and there around my kitchen and bathroom and though there are only a few strays, they might as well be an invading army for i really really loath the sight of them.

so i did a little research on how to get rid of those little household pests and this is what i found online. some of these facts useful, others just bizarre.

1. cloves of garlic
2. peppermint oil
3. lighterfluid (seriously?)
4. dishsoap, and they're addicted to blood (watch out mr vampire)
5. ants are important to the ecosystem
6. set a trap using boric acid and cream of wheat and the ants will explode after eating it
7. use ant baits
8. call the pesticide company and they will spray the whole house for a couple of hundred dollars

urgh... and they call the internet an information highway. for today, it's more like a load of crap deserving of an oxymoron...
sigh, i'll just be going back to keeping ALL the food in the fridge and scrubbing and cleaning as often as i can.

anyone with any good ideas?

just another midnite psycho-babble musing...

just before beginning this blog, i deleted my previous blog, it was kinda sad to let go and say goodbye to all those posts and memories left there, but i guess that had to be done before i could start afresh with this blog. it's not always easy letting go, but circumstances have dictated otherwise and i've had to throw away more things in the past 6 months than i did in the past 5 years put together...

it seems like this year has been a stirring year of change. not that things have happened suddenly though. too much has been left unsaid, undone and unchecked. somehow, certain realities have past the state of no return while others have spiralled horribly out of control with no end in sight. all of which, overdue.

i guess facing up to the truth takes too much courage, much more than me and those involved could muster. i guess that's why we have been procrastinating and avoiding the issues. perhaps we just really hoped that by not addressing the problems, they might magically go away someday. perhaps if we waited it out, we might wake up one day to find that it was all a huge nightmare and our lives were still left untainted, unspoilt, unbroken...

and when change finally asserted itself, it was anything but subtle. it swept across my life like a tornado (or hurricane, whichever is worse news), leaving nothing but destruction in its path. not a stone was left unturned, not a morsel spared. it blew all i had away, ripped all i treasured apart. cruel and merciless, it slashed and cut out that that i clung on desperately to, yet somehow managing to leave the gigantic lump of pain untouched. that, it did not even attempt to destroy even though it had the capability to take out everything else. the silence of emptiness it left behind was deafening...

despite all of this, i know life works in cycles, if not mysterious ways. after volcanic eruptions, soils become fertile and new life begins, renewed and more vibrant than ever before. i wait for my chance, if i would be entitled to one. i wait for the pain to heal and in adversity, look for the blessings i have been given, the chances offered. but i guess there are some wounds that run so deep, it takes all i have and more just to acknowledge it. one day though, i hope i will be able to face it, a pain so crippling i might drop dead from a broken heart the instant i fail to keep it contained and restrained. perhaps i may finally learn to feel the hurt a little at a time and find the words to vocalise my feelings, at least on this blog.

this is growing to be a long post. i think i've not blogged for so long (last post on the old blog was in sept last year -.-") that there are just so many thoughts and emotions pent up in me, some of which i wasn't even aware i had. perhaps this is my way of symbolically coming to terms with all my losses and embracing what lies ahead. in times of adversity, people are often surprised at the strength and goodness that emerge, and i hope i might have the good fortune to experience the same.

having said that, i will strive not to be like the people who are such survivors, but are so caught up in trying to cope with everything that they don't count their blessings quite nearly as much as they should.

a first for everything

oh well, the old blog's been "killed" and this is the first after the "revival". hopefully i won't make a mess like i did the last time (and for those who are reading this blog for the first time, yes i'm a complete IT idiot)...

so as i was tweaking the settings, i thot it'd be nice to do a first post, celebrating my starting afresh. it's great to be posting at night, and while i firm up the resolution to (once again) try to maintain some kinda consistency with the frequency of my postings, i dig in to a comforting, over-indulgent bowl of banana split =) banana compliments of my mom (thanks mom, though i know you probably won't be reading this), vanilla ice cream from the freezer (though i don't really like it, but it's the only ice cream left) and a generous serving of good ol' hershey's chocolate fudge sauce to top it all up!

yumz! and yes, i am enjoying myself =)